Monday, February 15, 2010

Long rumored to have been built on an unmarked hobo graveyard the Metrodome like the vacant east side it occupies wont completely rest in peace as the agoraphobic in our fare city continue to clamor for April and September dates with Hubert H. Humphrey. And before u shrug off my concerns with a "oh that's just the sentiment of a small % of the mentally ill and/or enfeebled population" just know as the 2009 season drew closer to an end sales of dome tribute t-shirts emblazoned with '2,268 games without a rain out' skyrocketed and those i saw wearing them were in the 30 - 50 year old demographic admittedly not a large enough sample to write off an entire generation but damn close. #2 in the 1-2 punch to my kidneys is provided by the media both national and local - u cant swing a dead metrodome rat without hitting any number of talking heads on ESPN still aghast that Minnesotans would build a new stadium without a retractable roof yet they would never consider such an affront to the baseball gods at their frigid shrines in New York and Boston - when the wind off the lake is cutting you in half on a cold April night in Chicago just try to find one F'n Illinois bastard demanding that which is somehow expected of us - there's no talk of growing ivy anywhere but their seedy backyard lest they be locked up by the mayor for even suggesting an alternative but damn those Minnesotans they bent over for every other tax why not one more to finance a lid capable of sealing everyone in. In time i guess they'll get their wish but for now i can stand the debate no longer disconnecting my 30 year relationship with ESPN saving me 50 bucks in the process which pays for 2 seats in the sun per month. And while in slash and burn mode why not pocket another 10 by abandoning the local newspaper which is no less afflicted by journalists pining to retain the option of scurrying back to the dome in the event of inclement weather. A "writer" for the St. Paul Pioneer Press who shall remain nameless...o.k. a hint...lacking the ability to string together sentences he simply begins every assignment with "Itemizing a few things" then presents an "Item": _____ followed by "I think": ____ (aside to the reader: i was paying money for this to be left on my doorstep) posed this question to Twins president Dave St. Peter on the eve of TwinsFest 2010 - "You could have a cold and wet April and bad weather in September. Have there been any discussions about playing a few games at the Metrodome if weather is an issue at Target Field?" (Pioneer Press 1/28/10 page 2d). Get the F out of my office would have been the appropriate response i didn't wait for the official answer i was busy adding ten dollars a month to my disposable income cancelling my subscription yet again and i can truly say the only thing i miss are the Las Vegas lines printed daily in the sports section a public service provided by every major U.S. newspaper interested in aiding and abetting addiction to an activity illegal in 49 states an unfortunate editorial oversight different than the gross negligence of printing state sponsored lottery numbers a distinction i could ponder for hours should i have time to kill in Target Field during an upcoming snow day, rain delay or rolling blackout.